#and is officially the last time i'm talking about it
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The mystery of that random magenta-haired Sonic woman: solved?
For almost three years now, there's been a little mystery in the Sonic franchise: who the hell is this lady?
Well, it seems like fans have collectively pieced together the answer. And it's more interesting than I expected.
For those who don't keep up with Sonic lore minutia like I do, this is a screenshot from the very first episode of TailsTube, released on YouTube back in March 2022. When Sonic and Tails were explaining the basics of their Earth and the fact that humans and anthropomorphic animals coexist, Tails showed a slide of some human NPCs from Sonic Unleashed. But the slide also included this never-before-seen character design, drawn in a conspicuously different, more anime-influenced art style from the Pixar-esque Unleashed characters. So... where's she from?
At the time, it was assumed that she was probably from an upcoming project. She looks like she could be an explorer of some sort, so maybe she's just an NPC from Frontiers, I thought. And then she wasn't in Frontiers. Sonic Prime, maybe? Nope, no humans in Prime. Okay, well maybe the IDW comics are going to start incorporating humans, now that the "two worlds" thing has been undone and humans once again canonically exist on the same planet as Sonic and friends. Well, if she's gonna show up in the comics, it's been almost three years and we still haven't seen her. That'd be a hell of a lead time for comics, where production cycles are typically a matter of months, not years. Time continued to pass, and we still hadn't seen her. We just had Ian Flynn teasing us with a #KnowingSmile, assuring us that she existed for some reason, just one that he couldn't talk about yet.
Fast forward to late 2024, and she suddenly makes an appearance in the last place anyone would have expected: the third live action movie, via an electronic billboard in Shibuya.
At this point it almost felt like the lore team was trolling us. Is this just a scrapped character design that's become fodder for inside joke cameos or something? Surely all of this teasing couldn't have been for a throwaway character design on a billboard in the background of a movie.
But actually, this billboard gives us an important piece of information: her name! She's labeled here as "Professor Tori." This is important because it connects her to a previous release. In Shadow Generations, Gerald's journal is prefaced with a note from the person who recovered it, addressed to the GUN Commander. In the English version, it's simply signed "T," but in the Japanese version... it's signed "Tori"!
This gives us some actual info about Professor Tori. For one, she seems to work for GUN in their Archival and Requisitions Department. She's apparently also interested in learning about Gerald and Maria's lives, like their old friend Abe is.
Jump forward again to the New Year's episode of TailsTube, and this appears in the background.
Her full name is officially given as Professor Victoria, and she's a historian. So, that seems to confirm everything we've pieced together so far.
As far as things we can reasonably assume to be correct go, this is everything we know for certain about Victoria. She's a historian working for GUN. Cool! But that's not what really fascinates me about her. For that, we have to do a little more speculation based on conjecture.
See, Shadow Generations also establishes information about the Robotnik family tree. Gerald had two sons. One of them took after Gerald's love of technology and became an expert in the field of robotics, and would go on to be Eggman's father. The other son took after Gerald's love of archaeology. This man would go on to be Maria's father. But, as Maria mentions in Shadow Generations... she also happens to have a little sister we've never met before.
So now, the question is: is this Maria's sister, Victoria Robotnik?!
We can't be 100% certain right now, but honestly, until proven otherwise I'm assuming that Victoria is Maria's little sister, now all grown up and working for GUN. It all lines up too neatly. The conspicuous reveal that Maria has an unseen and unnamed little sister, in the same game that establishes her dad was a history guy and also that there's this new historian working for GUN who just so happens to be really interested in her life. And also their names both end in "-ria." Come on!! Putting her in the Robotnik family would also explain all these cryptic clues about her identity. If she was just some random GUN agent, why be so coy and make fans piece it together?
I guess the most odd part here would be, y'know, Victoria working for the organization that killed her sister and grandpa. But Sega's been pushing the idea that GUN is trying to do better for 20 years now, ever since they established that the GUN Commander was Maria's childhood friend on the ARK and had him make amends with Shadow. Hearing that Maria's sister had joined GUN to try and gain access to information about her family history and undo the elaborate coverup of the previous administration would make sense to me, personally. And lest we forget, this would also make Victoria Eggman's cousin, giving him a family member in GUN. And that's a pretty cool storytelling tool to have on hand!
So, that's where we're at now. We have no idea where Victoria will pop up next, whether it's a game or a comic or another TailsTube episode or something else entirely. But it seems like she's fairly important, even if this speculation about her being a Robotnik somehow ends up being wrong. (But I'm pretty damn sold on this theory, personally.) Either way, it's exciting to see the human cast get fleshed out in fun ways again. If we're gonna have humans in Sonic stories, I'd rather they have anime-style designs and interesting connections to the narrative, rather than just being generic humans for the sake of having humans. I'm looking forward to seeing whatever the lore team's been cooking up here.
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A Package Deal - Part 4
In which the real world threatens to ruin your happiness.
Warnings: angsttttttttt :) fluff at the end tho!! Pairing: Lando x SingleMom!Reader Word Count: 3.6k words
- A Package Deal - A Package Deal - Part 2 - A Package Deal - Part 3 - Master List
yourusername (private) posted:
yourusername life lately ❤️ BFFSarah omg, someone who loves pizza just as much as Stelly Belly??? >>>yourusername they polished off a large pizza between the two of them. It was a sight to see. >>>land-ho WE WERE HUNGRY. >>>yourusername you bet my six year old she couldn't eat 4 pieces of pizza, sir. >>>land-ho AND SHE PUT DOWN FIVE! Proudest moment of my LIFE. >>>yourusername 🙄
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land-ho party of three? smoooooth_operator it was good to see you two last night! >>>yourusername dinner was delicious, C!! tell R thank you for all the shopping reccos in Barcelona 🤭 >>>landonorris oh god, my wallet already hurts >>>yourusername well now i'm never going to beat the sugar baby allegations. >>>honeybadger y'all are a walking PR nightmare waiting to happen. kelly_pickme i must meet your two favorite girls soon! bring them to Monaco soon! >>>yourusername 😘 did L give M the lion plushie and princess dress for baby and P? can't wait to meet you all soon!! >>>kelly_pickme yes! P hasn't taken it off and the lion is a hit as well. >>>yourusername ❤️❤️❤️
Miami May, 2025
"Okay, anything else you guys want to talk about before we start filming?" Victor, the team's head of communications, asks on Thursday afternoon.
Victor sits in one of the several conference rooms located in McLaren's hospitality suite surrounded by the rest of the communications team as well as Lando and Oscar. The weekend debrief is wrapping up as he asks one last question.
"Actually, kind of." Lando clears his throat, rubbing his palms on his jeans.
The entire team turns to him then and he feels his face go a bit red. He hadn't really planned on making a big deal of this in front of the team but after his meeting with Zak earlier, he thought he should at least let the comms team in on what he was going to do tonight.
"What's up?" Victor prompts, tucking his iPad under his arm.
"Well, it's more of a 'heads up' kind of thing but Zak thought I should let you guys know that I'm planning on going public with my girlfriend tonight."
Out of the corner of his eye, Lando sees Oscar smirk. He can almost hear the 'well it's about time' teasing he's about to get when they wrap up this meeting.
Victor blinks, casting a sideways glance at Melanie, Lando's main press officer for the weekend. He could tell Victor was reluctant to agree but in all honesty, this wasn't his call and Lando was ready to make that known. "What were you planning on doing?"
Melanie pulls out a notepad to take notes, just in case she's asked about the relationship this weekend.
You were also in Miami this weekend for your second race of the season and the subject had come up last night as you were cuddled up in bed after Lando had posted about you and Stella on his private account for the first time. You had been hesitant at first, not wanting to bring the team or Lando any drama during the race weekend but he had been insistent. While you hadn't been together officially for very long, you spent nearly every spare moment together and Stella had become a huge part of Lando's life too. He was tired of being linked to endless Instagram models and having to hide you away from the public.
Lando shrugs. "Nothing big or anything, just a post of my feed with her, some kind of witty caption."
"She's the one who works in the accounting department?" Melanie asks.
Lando can't help but glare at the woman. She's in her mid-30s with mousey brown hair and wire rimmed glasses. Melanie was kind enough but sometimes Lando wondered if she had any of the media training that was forced on him and Oscar with the kinds of questions she asked him.
"No, she's on the product development team, and she's right over there." Lando tips his chin towards the large glass windows that looks out onto the rest of the hospitality suite where you sit at one of the tables typing away at your laptop.
"Isn't she a single mom?"
Again, Lando glares at Melanie as the rest of the team shifts uncomfortably in their seat. Sure, it was their job to handle any press inquiries that came into the office and sometimes there were personal questions that got asked, but that one was toeing the line of appropriate.
"I don't see why that makes any sort of difference." Oscar surprises everyone by speaking up, his tone a bit colder than usual. "I've worked with her a lot lately, she's a lovely person and wicked smart. Lando's a lucky guy."
"Thanks, mate." Lando murmurs before turning back to Victor. "HR is aware of our relationship and, not that it should matter," Lando looks pointedly at Melanie once again, and is pleased to see her look a bit sheepish as if she's just realized how inappropriate her questions had been. "But Zak is also aware that we're together and has given us his blessing too."
That had been an awkward conversation but Lando admired the McLaren CEO too much to leave him in the dark about something that involved his two employees. He'd scoured the McLaren employee handbook (thankfully there was nothing in it against fraternization of employees, so HR hadn't been a problem either) before approaching Zak first to tell him about the relationship. If there was anyone that Zak Brown loved more than Lando, it was you so of course he had been ecstatic at the news and had immediately given the relationship his full support.
Without waiting for further comment from anyone, Lando gets up and strides out the door, furious at how the ending of the meeting had gone. There were far more problematic WAGs in the paddock and you were a McLaren employee after all, shouldn't you expect the same support from the team as he did? He didn't really understand why it was such a big deal that you were a single mom or technically a coworker.
From your spot in the middle of the hospitality suite you can see when Lando walks out of the conference room, hyper aware of the way his shoulders are hitched up towards his ears, something that only happens when he's upset or stressed.
"Momma!" Your attention is drawn back to your phone where Stella sits on FaceTime before her bath for the evening. You'd been distracted by Lando's sudden shift in mood and had stopped listening to her mid-story.
"Sorry, baby. I'm listening. You and Cora had a good playdate today, yeah?"
Stella prattles on, seemingly satisfied with the half-attention you're now paying her again. But your focus is pulled elsewhere for a moment as you watch a girl you know is on the comms team follow Lando out of the conference room and into his drivers room. You couldn't remember her name but knew that she was working with Lando this weekend as his press officer so it didn't impress you as unusual that she was following him. Maybe something had been said in the meeting and she was going to try to calm him down.
"Momma, can I talk to Lando now?" Stella sighs and you grin. You were beginning to think that your daughter loved Lando a bit more than you the way she constantly asked about him and wanted to see him.
"I think he just walked into a meeting, S but how about we do this. Why don't you go take a bath and by the time you're done, Lando should be finished with his meeting and you can talk to him then."
Stella nods, seemingly happy about the arrangement. You say a quick goodbye before packing up your laptop to go check in on Lando. You were essentially done for the day so you had planned on hanging out with a few of the engineers during their meetings this afternoon before going to dinner with Lando later that night. And then you fully planned on spending the rest of the evening underneath your boyfriend.
You can see the door to Lando's driver's room ajar and you can hear raised voices floating out. Hesitating, you pause with your hand on the door handle. The conversation sounded heated and you didn't want to interrupt. You swear you didn't want to eavesdrop but Lando's shouting didn't leave you much choice.
"What the fuck do you mean the team doesn't want a 'Kelly Piquet 2.0 situation?"
Oh. Oh dear.
You had known Lando was going to tell the team of his plan to hard launch you on his socials tonight and by the sounds of it, it hadn't gone well.
"Lando," The woman, you think her name is Melanie or something, tries to sooth him. "All we're saying is maybe you should think of how this could impact her daughter. When Max and Kelly went public, it was a shit show."
"Yeah, because her father is a racist piece of shit." He spits.
"And she was accused of being a predator!" Melanie fires back. "All I'm saying is that maybe right now isn't the best time to launch a potentially controversial girlfriend."
Your blood goes cold. Controversial? There was nothing in your past that you were ashamed about. No racist relatives. No sex tape scandals or even potentially embarassing photos somewhere out on the internet. You had, all things considered, a pretty wholesome reputation. Everyone at McLaren loved you, as far as you were aware. With the apparent exception of Melanie.
"Controversial? Please, elaborate." Lando's voice goes deadly calm, as if he knows exactly what she's going to say but wants her to say it out loud.
"Lando." Melanie sighs and you take a step back, unsure if you want to hear what she has to say. "She's a young, single mom who got knocked up at nineteen years old." Melanie practically laughs, as if Lando is a complete idiot for not understanding. "There's no way she won't be seen as a gold digger or worse! She's going to be eaten alive on socials. I'm only looking out for her daughter's reputation. Don't be so naive, Norris."
Your fists clench up so tightly, the bite of your nails in your palms pulls you out of a near rage. It takes every ounce of control not to go straight into Lando's room and give that bitch a piece of your mind.
On the other side of the door, Lando swears he sees red and has to take a step away. "This is about your workload, isn't it? You don't want to deal with the awkward questions and the drama? Listen very closely to me, Melanie okay? Because I'm not going to repeat myself." The venom in Lando's voice startles you. "The three of us are a package deal now, do you understand? I am madly in love with that woman out there and her little girl? Her little girl is the center of my world too. I don't give a flying fuck if me being with her means more work for you, that's too fucking bad. If you can't handle it, I'm positive Zak will be happy to replace you. She's here to stay, you are replaceable. Understood?"
Hearing Lando say he loves you and Stella has your world tilting underneath your feet. He'd never said that to you before even though you'd been confident for a while now that he did feel that way. And that you felt the same way.
Melanie's reply is so soft, you don't hear it but moments later, the door flies open so fast you're forced to jump back bit. Melanie's flushed face looks horrified when she sees you standing in the hall. She can't hold eye contact with you for longer than a flicker of a moment before she's dashing down the hall.
Lando stands in the doorway looking horrified that you're standing there. "How much of that did you hear?"
Tears burn at the back of your eyes, your anger at Melanie now replaced with sheer embarrassment. Even if she had been the one to voice it, you were certain Melanie wasn't the only one who was thinking the same thing.
"Everything." You whisper as you look away, brushing at a tear that rolls hotly down your face.
"Goddamnit." Lando swears, shoving a hand through his curls. He hadn't even noticed his door was open after Melanie had followed after him. "Baby..." He reaches for you and you let him pull you to him, his steady warmth a comforting feeling as the panic rises in your chest.
"She's right, you know." You whisper into his chest so softly Lando nearly misses it.
Lando pulls back and the look of desperation on his face nearly breaks your heart. "What are you talking about?"
"The hate we're going to get. I'm going to get. She had a point, you have to admit. I'm a young, single mom dating a millionaire? People are going to think all I'm interested in is your money, just like they did with Kelly."
"Who cares what people think? Who cares what they say about us? The people in our lives that really matter know that's not why you're with me. Isn't that all that matters?"
"Until they start in on Stella. Have you seen some of the things they say about P?"
You were pretty confident you could handle any hate that you got but you knew that the moment you saw any hate towards your little girl, you'd be devastated. It had been something you'd been thinking about since Lando had brought up going public last night but you had been able to brush it aside. It hadn't seemed possible, the worry seeming far away and a little over dramatic but now? Now Melanie's words had anxiety twisting in your stomach.
"That's not going to happen." Lando pulls you deeper into his chest and nuzzles into your neck. He can practically feel you pulling away from him and terror shoots through him.
"You don't know that. Even if it doesn't, do you really want to spend the rest of this relationship constantly defending me? Defending us? That's no way to live, Lando. Melanie was right. I'm controversial and maybe we need to rethink this."
Lando's entire world stops spinning, his breath catching in his throat. "Wh...What? No, baby, no. Please don't do this. Don't pull away. Melanie is being hysterical. Nothing like that is going to happen."
If he had to get on his knees and beg you not to leave him, Lando would do it in a heartbeat.
"I'm not doing anything, I just need a minute to think okay?" You step out of his grasp, instantly missing his touch. You can't even look him in the eye, knowing that if you do you'll crumble. But you can't think of Lando or even yourself right now. "I have to consider what's best for Stella, okay?"
"Don't do this." Lando begs.
"I think I'm going to stay in my own room tonight." You whisper, voice straining with emotion as you barely contain the heartache in your tone.
"Is this the end?" Lando chokes out as he shoves his hands deep in his pockets. He's sure you'd step away if he tried to touch you right now and he knew he wouldn't be able to handle that kind of rejection from you. It felt like his entire world was crumbling around him and the only thing that could right this was you.
Tears stream down your face as you struggle for an answer. "No." You tell him after a moment and the relief that floods Lando's face nearly breaks your heart. "I just need some space to think is all, I promise."
"Can we still have dinner tonight?"
"I think it'd be best if I just spend the evening alone." It hurts, saying those words because you rarely get this much alone time with Lando but you need space so badly your skin begins to itch. You're desperate to get some distance from the paddock and the team and even Lando himself, to right yourself back to the proper head space. You had to consider Stella above your own heart.
If it was possible to die from a broken heart, Lando knew he was about to find out. He lets you go though, watching miserably from the spot he's rooted to on his floor as you back away slowly, almost like you're retreating from a dangerous animal or something.
"I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"
All he can do is nod as he watches you walk out the door for what he hopes isn't the last time.
You're just finishing the last bits of your makeup when there's a knock on your door Friday morning. You were a bit surprised because you knew full well that Lando had a key but the fact that he was nervous to use it after what had happened yesterday tugs at something in your chest.
You had been in the shower when he texted you that morning and the string of texts nearly broke your heart. You hadn't wanted to put him through that kind of pain but you had needed to take a moment to think through what had happened with Melanie and the comms team yesterday.
Slipping the robe Lando had gotten you in Japan a few weeks ago, you pad towards the door to open it. You're stopped completely in your tracks when you swing it open and get a glimpse of Lando in the hallway. He looks absolutely ravaged, like he didn't sleep a single second the night before, eyes red rimmed and puffy.
"Lan..." You whisper, tears instantly flooding your eyes. You reach for him, utterly perplexed suddenly as to why you had felt you needed distance from him.
When he folds you into his arms, the damn finally breaks and you sob into him, the entire previous day's emotions coming to a head. The way you finally feel complete when he's got you in his arms is unlike anything you've ever felt and for a brief moment yesterday, you had forgotten that fact.
When he kisses you, cradling your head in his hands, everything else quiets. The doubts, the fear, the anxiety. It all fades into the background with his lips on yours and you sigh into his mouth. For the first time on 24 hours you feel relieved, like you can actually tackle this issue instead of feeling like you're going to drown in your own thoughts.
Lando tugs you over to the bed, pulling you into his lap as he sits against the headboard. You tuck into his body as close as you can, head folded into that space between his neck and shoulder, drinking in the smell of him: fresh from the shower and slightly spicy from his cologne.
For several minutes, you both just sit there. Lando struggles to contain the relief that is flooding his body. He'd been absolutely miserable last night, eventually working himself into a panic attack at the thought of losing you and Stella. There was such a gaping hole in his soul when he thought about the prospect of you walking away, it scared him to death. He had never planned on falling for you, had resisted it for a bit, trying to convince himself that it was too quick to be feeling the way he did. Last night though? Last night had showed him he was further gone than he had ever expected.
"Did you mean what you said to Melanie yesterday?" You mumble into his neck after a few moments.
"Every word." Lando says without a moment of hesitation. "But is there a specific part you want me to confirm?"
You chuckle, pulling away so you can look him in the face. "The part where you said we're a package deal? That you love love us both?"
Lando brings his hands up to face your frame and you can't help but lean into him. "Of course I meant it. I'd do anything for either of you. I thought we'd established that, baby."
You drop your gaze from his then, somewhat knocked off center by the intensity of his gaze. "I'm sorry I got spooked. I'm just so used to doing this all on my own, no one ever wants to stay."
"Do you remember what I told you the first night we spent together in Bahrain?"
You blink, a small smile playing on your lips for the first time that morning. "You said a lot that night."
Lando rolls his eyes and kisses your temple. "It was after you had fallen asleep and I got up to get a drink of water. When I came back to bed, you curled right into me and said you thought I'd left you. You asked me to never leave you and and I told you I'd never leave you. I didn't mean it for just that night though."
Your heart thunders in your chest. You didn't remember that at all but the fact that he had said those words to you all those months ago. He'd been as far gone for you back then as you had.
"I love you more than words can say." He whispers and all you can do is nod back, emotion choking out your ability to speak for a few moments.
Lando reaches under your chin after a beat, lifting your face so he can see you. "Nobody said this was going to be easy but if we do this together, it'll be okay. You've got to trust me on this, baby. The team is fully supportive, I swear to you. Zak, Andrea, Oscar. Everyone that matters is on our side. I know you're scared and you want to protect Stella but you can't give up on our happiness because of some stupid people on the internet that don't matter."
Pain shoots through you, bright and quick as a lightning bolt as realization hits you like a ton of bricks. Something becomes crystal clear in that moment and you find yourself nodding.
"You're right. I know you are. I want Stella to see me choose myself instead of sacrificing my happiness for some stupid what ifs." It isn't until Lando says what he does that you're able to finally put into words what you've slowly been coming to realize over the last few hours. You'd been scared to admit it, scared that choosing yourself in this meant you were putting Stella second but when Lando tells you that you can't give up your own happiness to protect her, everything clicks into place.
"I want her to know that she can do hard things and choose her own path and if i listen to Melanie all I show her is that the bullies win."
"That's my girl." Lando praises, pulling you into another soul shattering kiss. "I love you." He whispers against your lips.
"Lan..." You pull away suddenly, eyes going wide. "The reason I was outside your driver's room yesterday was because Stella demanded to talk to you before bed and then..." You drop the sentence, the memory of yesterday slicing through you once again. "Do we have time to call her now? She was so mad at me last night when I said you were too busy to talk."
"Don't you ever tell my Stelly Belly I'm too busy to talk to her again." He teases before grabbing his phone. "Is she with Sarah today? They had a half day, didn't they. She was all about going to the cinema with Sarah today last time I talked to her."
The smile that settles on your face is nothing short of brilliant. For the first time in nearly 24 hours, you finally feel settled, like everything had righted itself after being so very briefly run off course. "Lets see if she can talk now before the get to the show."
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789,039 likes liked by yourusername, oscarpiastri, BFFSarah, and others landonorris did someone say 'hard launch'? user029 oh she's PRETTY PRETTY yourusername <3 >>>user029 ugh, profile's private but SHE HAS A CHILD??? >>>user2992 if this means we're going to get dad lando content the same yaer we get dad max content, the internet may not survive BFFSarah can i like this more than once!?! <3 user0299 OMG WAIT I saw her in the background of tv shots this weekend except she was in a McLaren team kit. LANDO NOT DATING AN INFLUENCER??? >>>user3422 didn't know he had it in him >>>user000 god, i am such a sucker for a workplace romance trope
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Dirty Cash (Money Talks)
summary - you had nothing against your colleague, but you weren't stupid enough to be fooled by his innocent smile and appearance since you knew exactly what kind of corrupt person was hiding behind that costume. after all, you were wearing the same one.
pairing: (gong yoo/ji-cheol) the salesman x fem. recruiter reader
word count: 1.4k
contains: talk about gambling + death and murder, sexual tension?, crack and just evil morals tbh
a/n: i watched maybe the first fifteen minutes or so of bullet train, but i thought of the two funny dudes from it while writing this bcuz their dynamic was funny af. also, i will use the actor's name in this fic since the character itself doesn't really have an official one that was mentioned in the series!
You straightened your tie with your free hand while watching your train approach from the side. The station was always pretty empty at this hour, which saved you the jostling and squeezing as you entered. After that, you sat down comfortably with a light sigh - next to the free seat beside your devilishly handsome colleague. “Are you alright? Don't tell me that you had a exhausting day?” he asked you worriedly with his typical innocent smile on his face but you've known the guy for a while now and you knew exactly how dishonest he sounded right now.
You returned his gaze for a second, uninterested, before turning it back in front of you to observe your surroundings from the window. “Exhausting day? Don't make fun of me or I'll punch you in the face,” you replied monotone and Gong Yoo didn't doubt your statement for a second - or Ji-choel as you preferred to call him since you weren't a big fan of nicknames. “I had a great time punching those bastards in the face one by one. It feels kinda therapeutic, so I'm actually feeling pretty good right now,” you told him, talking about the subject as if you were talking about the weather.
Your colleague grunted with delight at your good news. “And I would never disagree with you on that.” he said and then just watched your figure silently for a while before speaking up again. “Since you're in such a good mood, would you be willing to play a more private game between the two of us?” he suggested, making you look at him in utter disbelief.
“A private game? With you?” you repeated, amused and laughed in his face. “Hell, no. But don't worry, I'll let you know next time I want to get totally screwed by a freaky pervert,” you added, your voice dripping with sarcasm. Which will be, never.
“Come on, don't be like that,” he asked you sweetly. As sweet as the wolf who pretended to be the mother of the seven little goats before he ate them all one by one. “It's just a tiny, harmless game. It's been so long since we've played anything together.” he complained to you earnestly as if you actually cared, and you didn't.
Yeah, you remembered the last time very clearly, even if you would much rather prefer that you didn't. You hummed. “Is that so? Huh. I mean, it could be because you almost killed me in a fucking game of tic-tac-toe the last time, but that's just a theory.” You said with a shrug, clearly still resenting him for that. However, he just rolled his eyes unaffected by your grudge. “But you didn't, right? It was the other guy who got the bullet in his head.” He replied, not even remembering his name. Not that he had to.
You just glared at him while you rubbed your forehead. “Yeah, maybe. But I'm tired of risking my life just because it makes you horny and you can jerk off to it.” You made your feelings on the matter clear. “You know that the whole living on the edge of death thing isn't really my cup of tea. At least try to understand me a bit here, too.”
I suppose she's not entirely wrong, I could give it a try. I never thought about it like that before, did I? He thought to himself in his head as he ran his tongue over the back of his teeth while he pondered. How selfish of me. “So what exactly do I have to do, to convince you?” He asked you while he already had a few ideas in mind.
You grinned. “You know that very well, don't play dumb.” You demanded as you leaned closer to him so that he could hear what you were singing softly. “Money talks, money talks - dirty cash, I want you, and dirty cash, I need you, oh ~”
He raised an eyebrow, not particularly surprised. “So you want to play for money?” He repeated it, not outright rejecting your request. “Don't you have enough of that already? You're really insatiable when it comes to cash and now you want mine, too?” he joked just to get you worked up.
Though, you didn't get the slightest bit offended by what he said. “Can you ever have enough money? Besides, I'm not forcing you to give it to me, am I?” you said with a smile, already knowing that he would agree to your terms. “But if you want me to play with you, I want eight million won for every round I win.”
She's so greedy for someone who is already more than wealthy. “Aren't you exaggerating a bit? Most people don't earn that much in a month,” he continued his act of - whatever this was - because he just loved arguing with you.
“So? We both have the same salary, I know you can afford it,” you said, holding a hand in the air as soon as you felt that he wanted to stretch this unnecessary conversation even more. “You have to decide now what you want to do or I withdraw my proposal again.”
Gong Yoo closed his mouth and started grinning even wider. “You don't even want to know what kind of game I want to play?” he asked curiously, nodding and accepting whatever you wanted as soon as he saw that you actually weren't interested. You couldn't even imagine how gladly he gave in to you at this moment. “All right, I agree with your request.”
You stood up with your briefcase in hand after your station was announced. “Good. Text me when you have something in mind, I'll be there as long as it fits timewise.”
Your colleague continued to watch you with a look on his face that used to make you more than just uncomfortable back in the day - though it didn't even bother you in the slightest now. “You don't want to accompany me to the...office?”
You smiled while the train started to slow down. “Au revoir, Ji-cheol.” you just said your goodbye to him and stepped out of the doors. You didn't even spare the poor guy a second glance when he waved his hand at you from the window. She can be so heartless sometimes, he thought to himself, even if you were like this pretty much all the time. I'll have to think of something good to ask for in return should I win. I'm definitely not going to hold back when there's this much money at stake.
You didn't give a second thought to anything as you made your way home after a day's work like any normal citizen would do. However, your steps slowed considerably when you noticed a beggar in your field of vision and even though the rest of the crowd ignored the man and his entire existence, you couldn't help but focus your full attention on him. You looked at your watch, I've been off work for a while now. But even then, you couldn't help but notice that he was one of the people on your list to recruit for the game. He'll still be here tomorrow, but I don't mind another round of Ddakji. I love money more than anything - but I'm not doing this job for only that since I don't even have anything against working a bit of overtime when it comes to this.
“Excuse me,” you spoke to the man with a polite smile on your face, and he only submissively avoided your gaze as he listened to you. After all, one rarely approached people like him and why would they? He held his cup of loose change out in front of him, probably expecting you to give him a small donation, but you wanted to give him so much more than that. Even if the guy didn't know it right now - you wanted to give him another chance in life, so that he wouldn't continue to be just a miserable failure.
You ignored his donation cup. “I was wondering if you might have a moment because I'd like to make you an offer,” you continued politely and the man met your gaze at that. Yeah, you were really looking forward to what was about to happen - after all, you were known for letting your opponent only win if you allowed them to.
#x reader#x female y/n#x female reader#x you#fanfiction#squid game#squid game season 2#squid game x reader#squid game s2#the salesman squid game#the salesman#the salesman x reader#gong yoo#gong ji cheol#gong ji-cheol#gong yoo x reader#the recruiter#squid game fanfic#squid game x you#squid game x y/n#squid game 2#squid game the salesman#the salesman x you
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PREACHER’S DAUGHTER FINAL PART | MV1
an: i bet you guys thought i forgot about this, i didn't. i just didn't want to say goodbye to them just yet because this is officially the end of our favourite couple. i'm defo going to miss them a lot and i hope you enjoyed them as much as i did.
wc: 3.6k
previous part
THE HOUSE WAS QUIETER than it used to be. It wasn’t silent—there was no such thing in a house with three kids, even if they were teenagers now—but the chaos had mellowed into a rhythm.
Theo, now eighteen, had shot up like a weed and was nearly as tall as Max. He spent most of his time tinkering in the garage with his dad, learning the ins and outs of engines and dreaming about rebuilding the motorbike Max had never fully let go of.
Mary-Ann, sixteen and the spitting image of her mother, had inherited her sass and determination. She was perched at the kitchen table, headphones on, doing homework—or pretending to, judging by the way she was doodling flowers in the margins of her notebook.
And Daniel, their youngest, now twelve, was sprawled on the living room floor with a pile of Legos, determined to construct the "coolest car ever" and occasionally asking Max for design advice.
Max leaned against the kitchen counter, sipping his coffee. The years had been kind to him, though there was a little more grey in his beard and a few more lines around his eyes. He wore them well, a testament to a life lived fully.
His gaze drifted to his wife, who was standing at the stove flipping pancakes. She hummed under her breath, her hair tied up in a loose bun, a familiar warmth radiating from her. The sight of her, even after all these years, still made his heart skip a beat.
“Need a hand, angel?” he asked, setting his mug down.
She glanced over her shoulder with a smile. “I’ve got it. You just make sure Daniel doesn’t eat the syrup straight out of the bottle again.”
Max chuckled, ruffling Daniel’s hair as he walked past. “You hear that, buddy? No syrup until the pancakes are on the plate.”
Daniel groaned but nodded, his focus back on his Legos.
Once the pancakes were ready, the family gathered around the table, the smell of maple syrup and butter filling the room. Theo and Mary-Ann bickered over who got the last pancake until their mum intervened, splitting it in half with a raised brow that said don’t push your luck.
Max leaned back in his chair, watching his family with quiet contentment. They weren’t perfect—there were still squabbles, slammed doors, and the occasional teenage attitude—but they were his. They were hers. And they’d built this life together, brick by brick, from nothing.
Later that day, Max and Theo were in the garage, going over the specs of a carburetor Theo had salvaged from the junkyard.
“Think we can make it work?” Theo asked, his voice filled with the kind of excitement only an eighteen year old with a dream to take over his dad’s garage could muster.
Max grinned, clapping him on the shoulder. “We can make anything work if we put in the effort.”
Mary-Ann wandered in, rolling her eyes, hands glued to her phone - something Max realised she was doing more often. “Mum said you two need to stop talking about car parts long enough to eat lunch. Also, Daniel wants to know if he can use the drill.”
But Max chose peace and never mentioned it as he snorted “Absolutely not.”
Mary-Ann smirked. “I told him you’d say that.”
When dinner rolled around, Max watched as her phone lit up and she smiled. All of this had started innocently enough. Mary-Ann had come home from school, cheeks pink and a slight bounce in her step, and casually mentioned during dinner that a boy had asked her out on a date.
She might as well have set off a grenade.
Theo, who had been lazily poking at his mashed potatoes, froze mid-bite. His eyes snapped up to his sister with the kind of intensity usually reserved for critical engine failures. “I’m sorry, what?”
Daniel, sitting next to him, dropped his fork entirely. At twelve, he wasn’t entirely sure what “dating” entailed, but he knew enough to side with his older brother. “Nope. Not happening.”
Even Max, who had been chewing a piece of chicken, paused. He set down his knife and fork, leaned back in his chair, and folded his arms. “Who’s this kid?”
Mary-Ann groaned, burying her face in her hands. “Oh my gosh, this is why I didn’t want to say anything!”
Her mum, sitting at the head of the table, was trying—and failing—not to laugh. She sipped her water to hide her grin, her eyes sparkling with amusement. “Let the poor girl live, you three.”
But the boys were relentless.
Theo, the self-appointed enforcer, turned to Mary-Ann with a raised brow. “What’s his name? Is he in your grade? What’s his deal?”
Daniel piped up, his brows furrowed in a stern expression that would have been intimidating if he weren’t still twelve. “Does he know we’ve got a garage full of tools? And Dad has a hammer?”
Max nodded sagely, playing along. “Big hammer.”
Mary-Ann threw up her hands. “You guys are ridiculous! It’s just one date!”
Theo leaned forward, fixing her with a deadpan stare. “And that’s how it starts. First it’s one date, and then he’s calling you all the time, and then—”
“—he’s asking you to marry him!” Daniel chimed in, clearly pleased with his contribution.
Max smirked, glancing at his wife. “We’re just looking out for her, angel. Can’t have some punk kid messing with our Mary-Ann.”
She shook her head, laughing softly. “She’s sixteen, Max. Let her figure it out.”
Mary-Ann crossed her arms, glaring at her family. “You’re all the worst. Mum, do something!”
But her mum just shrugged, biting back another laugh. “Sorry, sweetheart. You’re on your own. This is way too entertaining.”
Mary-Ann groaned, pushing back from the table. “I can’t believe you guys! I’m going to my room.”
As she stomped off, Theo called after her. “You’re not leaving this house until we meet him!”
Daniel added, “And I’m bringing the hammer!”
Max, unable to resist, cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted, “BIG hammer!”
Her mum finally burst out laughing, shaking her head as she looked at her husband and sons. “You three are unbelievable.”
Max grinned, leaning back in his chair. “What can I say? We’re a protective bunch.”
Daniel puffed out his chest. “Yeah, Mum! We’re protecting her honour.”
She rolled her eyes, still smiling. “I’m sure she’ll appreciate it one day. Maybe.”
Max winked at her. “Just doing our duty, angel.”
And that day did roll around.
The atmosphere in the head teacher’s office was tense—at least, it was supposed to be. Theo sat in the chair next to his parents, arms crossed, chin jutting out defiantly like a boxer after a victory. His knuckles were still a little red, and there was a faint smudge of what could only be described as "evidence" on his school blazer.
The head teacher, a middle-aged man with a thin mustache and a receding hairline, sighed heavily as he glanced over the disciplinary report in front of him. “Mr. and Mrs. Verstappen, I’ve called you here because your son, Theo, punched another student today. Quite hard, I might add.”
Mary-Ann, sitting to the side with her own chair, looked both embarrassed and secretly pleased as she avoided her brother's gaze.
Max sat back, trying—really trying—not to crack a smile. He’d been biting the inside of his cheek since they arrived, but the mental image of Theo landing the punch was too much. His lips twitched dangerously, and he coughed to cover the beginnings of a chuckle.
His wife shot him a sharp look. “Max.” Her voice was low, a warning in one word.
Theo, sensing the opportunity for backup, jumped in. “It wasn’t my fault! He called Mary-Ann a...a...” He hesitated, glancing nervously at his mother.
The head teacher cleared his throat uncomfortably. “A ‘church freak,’ I believe, was the term used. Followed by...other comments.”
Max’s lips pressed together tightly, his shoulders shaking as he fought the laugh bubbling up. He turned his head away, trying to disguise it as clearing his throat.
Theo, emboldened by his dad’s silent support, added, “Yeah, so I punched him! Right in the mouth.” He demonstrated with his fist, making a swooping motion like a dramatic action movie. “I didn’t even miss!”
Max lost it. A short laugh burst out before he could stop it, and he quickly turned it into a cough. His wife’s head snapped toward him. “Max Emilian!”
Her tone was scolding, but there was a flicker of amusement she couldn’t quite hide.
Max held up his hands in mock surrender. “What? The kid’s got good aim!”
The head teacher looked horrified. “Mr. Verstappen, this is hardly something to celebrate. Violence is unacceptable under any circumstances—”
“He started it!” Theo interrupted, glaring at the head teacher.
Max leaned forward, his voice mock-serious. “Way to go, buddy.” He reached out and fist-bumped Theo before his wife could stop him.
She groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Max, you’re not helping.”
Mary-Ann finally spoke up, her voice small. “He only did it because he was sticking up for me. It’s...kind of sweet.”
Her mum sighed, turning her attention back to Theo. “Theo, you can’t just go around punching people, no matter what they say.”
Theo blinked at her, his face scrunching up in confusion. “But Dad did. He punched your dad, and no one told him off.”
Max froze, wide-eyed. “Whoa, whoa, let’s not drag me into this.”
But his wife turned to him, arms crossed and eyebrows raised. “Oh no, you’re definitely getting dragged into this. Theo wouldn’t be punching anyone if you hadn’t decked my dad in front of him.”
Max rubbed the back of his neck, looking sheepish. “I mean...to be fair, your dad deserved it.”
“And that’s exactly what Theo thinks about this kid!” She gestured at their son, who looked increasingly smug.
The head teacher cleared his throat, trying to regain control of the conversation. “Mr. and Mrs. Verstappen, while I understand the context, the school has a zero-tolerance policy for violence. Theo will need to serve a two-day suspension.”
Max shrugged. “Two days? That’s not bad. Maybe we can—”
His wife slapped his arm lightly. “Stop encouraging him!”
Theo grinned, clearly unrepentant, and looked up at his dad. “Can we go home now?”
Max ruffled his hair. “Sure thing, champ. You earned a break.”
His wife threw her hands in the air, muttering something about boys and her fate of living with three of them. Despite her frustration, though, there was a small smile on her face as they walked out of the office.
As Max and Theo bolted out of the school building, laughter echoing in the hallway as they raced each other to the parking lot, she shook her head with a small, amused smile. Mary-Ann stayed by her side, clutching her school bag as they walked together at a slower pace.
Her daughter’s quietness didn’t go unnoticed. She looked down, noticing how Mary-Ann stared at the floor, her brows furrowed in thought. Gently, she placed a hand on her daughter’s shoulder.
“You okay, baby?” she asked softly.
Mary-Ann shrugged, hesitating for a moment. “I guess. Just...what that kid said about me at school.”
Her heart sank. She crouched down a little to meet Mary-Ann’s eyes, pausing in the hallway. “It’s okay if it upset you, you know. What he said was mean, and he was wrong.”
Mary-Ann chewed her lip, looking conflicted. “He called me a ‘church freak.’ I guess I don’t really know if I am one. Is it...bad?”
She felt her chest tighten at the vulnerability in her daughter’s voice. She took Mary-Ann’s hand and gave it a squeeze, guiding her to sit on a nearby bench where they could talk.
“I know how you feel,” she admitted after a moment. “When I was your age, I got called things like that too. Kids made fun of me for going to church, for praying, for all the little things I believed in. And it hurt.”
Mary-Ann blinked, her curiosity piqued. “Really? You got made fun of too?”
She nodded. “I did. A lot. But you know what? It doesn’t matter what they think. You don’t have to go to church just because I do. If you don’t like it, or if it makes you feel weird, you don’t have to keep going.”
Mary-Ann looked up at her in surprise. “You mean that?”
Her heart twisted as she nodded. Christianity was such a core part of her own life, something that had anchored her during her darkest moments. Letting go of the idea of her children growing up in the church wasn’t easy, but she also knew she couldn’t force it. Faith had to be their choice.
“I do, baby. What’s most important is that you feel comfortable. It’s not about what Dad or I want for you—it’s about what you want for yourself. Okay?”
For a moment, Mary-Ann said nothing, her little face thoughtful. Then she smiled, small but genuine. “I like going to church. I like Sunday school, and singing the songs. And I don’t care if kids at school think it’s weird.”
She felt a wave of relief and pride as she pulled her daughter into a hug. “That’s my girl. You’re so brave, you know that?”
Mary-Ann grinned against her shoulder. “Thanks, Mum.”
The sound of Max and Theo shouting in the distance broke the tender moment, and she shook her head as she helped Mary-Ann up.
“Come on. Let’s see if those two actually waited for us at the car or if they’re already halfway through that oil change.”
Mary-Ann giggled. “Dad’s definitely winning. Theo’s fast, but Dad’s faster.”
“Let’s go find out.” She smiled, holding Mary-Ann’s hand as they walked toward the parking lot.
Later that day, when the sun set and all of them had packed up the dinner table, Max found himself curled up on the sofa with his wife. His arm was draped around her shoulders, her head resting on his chest, their legs tangled as they relished a rare quiet moment. The kids had been unusually calm after dinner, and they’d taken full advantage of the lull.
But the calm didn’t last.
Suddenly, the sound of hurried footsteps broke through the peace, and all three kids came bounding into the room. Theo was leading the charge, with Mary-Ann and little Daniel trailing close behind, their faces lit up with excitement and mischief.
Max groaned, shifting slightly but keeping her close. “There goes the quiet.”
She smiled, sitting up just as Theo hopped onto the armrest of the couch. Mary-Ann plopped herself between her parents, while Daniel crawled up onto Max’s lap, nestling in without hesitation. At his age of 12, he just got away with it.
“What’s up, guys?” his wife asked, amused by their sudden energy.
Theo spoke first, his voice laced with curiosity. “How did you guys meet?”
She exchanged a look with Max, one eyebrow raised. “Where’s this coming from?”
Mary-Ann piped up, clearly eager to share. “We were looking in Dad’s office—”
Max’s eyes narrowed playfully. “Wait, wait. You were snooping in my garage? What were you doing in there?”
Daniel, ever the bold one, looked up at his dad with an innocent expression. “Pictures! We saw pictures!”
Theo nodded, practically bouncing now. “Yeah, pictures of you two when you were younger! You looked so different, Mum. And Dad didn’t have any grey hairs!”
Max snorted. “Gee, thanks, bud. Remind me who gave me these grey hairs.” He shot a mock glare at Theo, who grinned unrepentantly.
Their mother, who was laughing now, shook her head as she ruffled Mary-Ann’s hair. “You guys found the old photos, huh?”
Mary-Ann nodded, her eyes wide with wonder. “Mum, you looked so pretty in your dress, and Dad looked cool with his jacket and helmet.”
Max smirked, leaning back into the couch. “Cool, huh? You hear that, Angel? They think I’m cool.”
She rolled her eyes but couldn’t hide her smile. “You’re inflating his ego, guys. So, why do you want to know how we met?”
Daniel, still snuggled in Max’s lap, whispered conspiratorially, “Was it like a movie?”
Max chuckled, wrapping an arm around Daniel. “Sort of. It started with a Church and a bit of my chivalry. And maybe a little bad timing.”
She laughed softly, her eyes sparkling with fond memories. “He was as stubborn as he is today, kept offering to carry some boxes for me.”
“It worked, didn’t it?” Max teased, brushing a kiss against her temple.
Theo leaned forward, his curiosity insatiable. “So, you just saw Mum and were like, ‘She’s the one’?”
Max pretended to think for a moment. “Pretty much. Your mum was gorgeous. Still is. But it wasn’t just that. She had this thing about her—strong, determined, kind. She made me feel like maybe I could be a better man.”
She rolled her eyes but was clearly touched. “Oh, stop. You’re making me blush.”
Mary-Ann sighed dreamily. “That’s so cute. I want a love story like that one day.”
Max groaned dramatically, covering his face with a hand. “No. Absolutely not. You’re staying single forever.”
Mary-Ann smacked his arm lightly, laughing. “Dad!”
Daniel, trying to stay on topic, asked, “Then what happened? After the parking lot?”
She smiled, pulling her kids’ attention to her. “A lot happened. We fell in love. We got married. And then we had you guys. And that’s the best part of the whole story.”
As the laughter faded and the kids began settling down, she found herself staring at the curious, innocent faces of her children. Their questions had slowed, but the warmth of the moment lingered, leaving her with a quiet space to think.
The memories came rushing back—the hurried whispers in the dark, the rumble of Max’s motorbike as they fled the life she’d desperately wanted to escape. The fear, the uncertainty, and the overwhelming relief when she finally felt free.
They deserve to know, she thought, her gaze drifting to Theo, who was fiddling with the hem of his shirt, and Mary-Ann, who was resting her head against her shoulder. Even Daniel, with his sleepy eyes and little fingers clutching Max’s sleeve.
But how could she tell them? How could she explain the life she’d left behind without tainting their view of the world? Of family?
Her chest tightened at the thought. What if knowing changed how they saw her? Or worse, how they saw Max?
She bit her lip, glancing at him. He was leaning back on the couch, his arm resting along the backrest, his other hand absently ruffling Daniel’s hair. His eyes caught hers, and his brow quirked slightly, a silent question: You okay?
She nodded subtly, offering him a small smile.
No, she decided. Not now. Not yet.
They were still so young, their world so pure. If she told them the truth, it wouldn’t be to satisfy curiosity or ease her own conscience—it would have to be necessary, something they were ready to hear. And she would know when that moment came.
For now, she tucked the thoughts away, sealing them behind the same mental door she’d locked so many years ago.
And that’s how life was for the Verstappens.
Years passed, but the heart of their family never wavered. She and Max, once two young souls bound by circumstance and love, had built a life that was both imperfect and extraordinary.
The children grew, each carving their own paths in the world. Theo, ever protective and headstrong, went on to study engineering, inspired by the hours spent in the garage with his dad. He eventually took over the family’s repair shop, rebranding it with a sleek new sign that read “Verstappen & Son’s Auto.” He still teased Mary-Ann mercilessly but remained her fiercest defender.
Mary-Ann, with her gentle strength and quiet faith, became a teacher. She carried her mother’s warmth into the classroom, where she guided and inspired children from all walks of life. Her love for the church endured, but she carried it as her own, unpressured by anyone. She often joked with her parents that her students were easier to handle than her brothers.
And Daniel—sweet, clever Daniel—emerged as the family dreamer. With a heart as big as his father’s and a mind as sharp as his mother’s, he pursued a career in writing, crafting stories that captured the chaos and beauty of family life. His parents swore they recognised pieces of themselves in his characters, though he always denied it with a smirk.
She and Max grew older, their once fiery love mellowing into something deeper and even more unshakable. The garage was still Max’s domain, though he worked less and spent more time tinkering for fun. She often joined him, still the same girl who’d fallen for him in that tiny trailer all those years ago.
The white picket fence eventually aged, its paint chipping in places, but it stood strong—just like them. Sunday dinners became a cherished tradition, with laughter filling the house as their children and, later, their grandchildren gathered around the same worn dining table.
In the end, their lives weren’t perfect. They had their disagreements, their challenges, their moments of doubt. But they always had each other, and that made all the difference.
And as they sat together on the porch in their twilight years, Max’s hand in hers, the memories of their wild, beautiful journey were enough to fill a lifetime.
Because that’s how life was for the Verstappens—a story of love, resilience, and the kind of family you fight for, cherish, and hold onto forever.
the end.
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That's my Girl
Jay Halstead x Reader
You've been with Jay since your daughter was a baby and he loves her like she was his own. When your ex winds up back in Chicago and comes looking to play dad Jay isn't backing down.
“Daddy” you heard Vivian giggle as Jay scooped her up, tickling under her arms. “How was your day, baby girl?” She went into telling him about preschool, stumbling over a few words here and there but he listened like it was the most important thing in the world.
Times like this you swore you fell in love with Jay all over again. You weren't sure how he'd handle the fact of you being a single mom the day he asked you out, especially considering at that time she'd barely hit seven months.
He handled it in stride, making some dates to include her and paying your sister to babysit (even though she'd do it for free) so some dates would be just the two of you.
It took you months to trust him enough to open your heart, your ex Paul Victors cheated on you midway through your pregnancy. You had actually come in from the gender scan to find him in bed with another woman, the bed you'd bought.
Everyone at med was there for you, supporting you and keeping him from coming anywhere around you. When Paul had come in one day after you'd come back from maternity leave and wouldn't leave that was how you met Jay, Will called him.
_________________
Jay was everything your Paul wasn't. He was the type of man that could make you feel like everything was going to work out by giving you one of those smiles you adored. He always tried to show kindness where he could, to protect those who needed it. When his anger did flare it up it was never without reason and never pointed at you.
He was patient in the fact that you'd been hurt and that Vivian came first in your life. The first time you slept with him you were fairly certain he'd been more nervous than you.
The way he touched you, kissed you, whispered how beautiful you were…you knew then it wouldn't be long before Jay would own your heart completely.
_________________
The day Jay proposed to you he'd also made a promise to always be there for Vivian. Your wedding was in a few months and Jay was in the process of officially adopting her. Your stomach was in knots over the fact that you had to legally send a notice to Paul's last known address because he had signed the birth certificate.
Jay turned to look at you with a smile, Vivian dangling from his neck “What ya say mommy? Can we get pizza?” You nodded “Of course. If that's what little miss wants” he grinned and turned to sit her on her feet “Ok sweetheart. Go get your jacket” she grinned up at him “Ok daddy” and ran towards her room.
You watched her go then felt him pull you into his arms “You're overthinking Mrs Halstead” you cut your eyes up at him, his blue eyes holding you in place “I just don't want him messing up my life again. I'm happy” a smile slipped onto his face “You're engaged to a detective baby. You have all of the twenty first backing you. He won't come near you or her. The adoption will go through and you both will be Halsteads by the end of the year”
You shook your head “I love you Jay” he pulled you into a kiss, speaking against your lips “I love you too”
You were walking out to your car, talking to Will. He was planning to come over for him and Jay to watch the game that weekend and was asking what food he could bring “Not for you and Jay, for my niece”
You laughed lightly “She has Jay's appetite” both of his eyebrows shot up “God help us” you were almost to your car but stopped in your tracks when you spotted the orange carnation on the windshield.
Will didn't notice the flower but knew something was wrong. “Hey, what is it?” He followed your line of sight and saw the flower “Who's that from?” He asked and you barely got out “Paul”
_____________
When Jay rolled up Hailey barely got the car to a stop before he was out. “Did he come near you? I sent Kev and Kim to pick her up. I'll fucking kill him”
He pulled you into his arms after visibly checking you for injuries. “I'm ok Jay just a little freaked out” he nodded “It's ok. I'll take care of it. I'll get Voight to put a patrol on her school, we'll alert hospital security and we'll keep an eye out for him”
“He's not gonna get near her or you” Hailey assured you with a smile. You nodded, laying your head over on Jay's chest.
You were young when you got pregnant with Vivian and had done a lot of stupid shit. You'd been honest with Jay, of course but what if it was brought up in court?
What if your daughter's life was ruined because of decisions you'd made?
_______________
A few days later you got a call from Jay to meet him and Vivian's school. The patrol car had to stop Paul from entering. He'd ran before Jay got there however.
You stood in the middle of the floor intelligence used at the twenty first precinct holding Vivian in your arms. You knew you were safe here, she was safe but the thought of him trying to take her still had you shaken.
Voight walked up behind you and gently touched your back “Sweetheart, why don't you and her take my office?” You cut your eyes at Jay who nodded so you smiled “Thank you” and walked towards the office, closing the door behind yourself to sit on the leather couch.
____________
“We're finding this asshole right?” Adam asked as soon as the office door was closed and Jay nodded “Oh yeah but whoever finds him first doesn't lay a finger on him. You don't scare my fiance and threaten to take my daughter”
Voight nodded “Kim, stay here with her and Vivian. I've got to talk to a few people. If I'm needed to clean anything up, call me Halstead”
________________
“Paul Victors..drunk and disorderly…resisting arrest..minor possession charges…big jump to attempted kidnapping” Adam spoke as he walked up behind him in the bar they'd tracked him to.
“That's my daughter” he argued and Kevin's hand came to rest of his neck “Let's walk outside my man”
The two of them walked him out between them. Jay and Hailey stood against the wall. The moment he saw Jay he tried to run but Kevin pushed him towards Jay who grabbed him by the collar and slammed him back against the wall.
“You scared the woman I love, you threatened my daughter” Hailey kept an eye on the people around to ensure no one was paying too much attention while Kevin and Adam kept an eye on the bar.
“She's my dau..” Paul didn't get anything else out before Jay's fist hit his stomach “MY daughter” Paul coughed hard “You son of a bitch”
“Did you spit on my partner?” Hailey asked and Jay nodded, wiping his face like Paul had “He did”
Adam tsk tsked “That's assault Paul” and grabbed his cuffs.
Paul was taken to holding while the unit came back up to find you, Kim and Vivian playing a game in Voight's office.
“Hey baby” Jay greeted, pressing a kiss to your lips then kissed Vivian's forehead “Hey baby girl”
You raised an eyebrow at him and he winked at you “C'mon. We gotta meet Voight” “What about her?” You asked, looking at Vivian.
“We got her” Kim assured you so you let Jay pull you to your feet. “Where are we going?” You asked him on the stairs. He whispered “Voight pulled a Voight baby. That's all you need to know”
Voight called in a few favors he was owed. You and Jay ended up meeting with a judge in his chambers. “Jay if you sign here Vivian will officially be your daughter”
You felt his left hand slip around your waist as his right picked up the pen “I love you” he kissed the top of your head then leaned down and signed the paper.
Voight stood to the side, watching. “Congrats Jay” Jay smiled “Thanks Hank”
Hank looked at you “Now you just gotta get the Halstead last name” “What about Paul?” You asked and Jay shrugged “Platt took care of that. He's leaving Chicago. Only way to not face charges”
“I'm free?” You asked and Jay pulled you into his arms “We're free. Let's go get our daughter”
#jay halstead x reader#jay halstead x you#jay halstead fanfiction#chicago pd fanfiction#chicago pd fic#chicago pd fanfic
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So, 2025...
Now that we're officially in 2025, and I finally recovered from the new year allnighter so I can finally reason, let's finally talk about personal objectives for the year.
2025 is going to be... a busy year for me. I got many plans on the line that I am going to hopefully achieve by the end of the year.
First of all, the biggest most important thing is that starting from this year, I'm officially a Freelancer Artist. Yes until now I've kept doing it as a side thing, but seeing how things are going, I'm going to see how it'll work out. While the prospect of fully center my job around art is rather intimidating to me, I really cannot think of any other job I can undertake as a primary income source. I will make this work. In prospect of this, things are most likely to change a bit commissions wise as I will have to adapt elements (such as prices and request form) in order to fit better with this. I apologize if this will make it harder for folks to buy something for me, but it is a necessary change. But on the other side, I do want to push myself out there and start actually leaving a mark. I want to be seen, to join projects and help bringing them to life. It's time I get out of my shell for good.
Another objective for the year, as I mentioned before, is to officially start putting down "The Last Nutcracker". I think I waited long enough and I can't keep hold it back further. When I will start, that I cannot say for certain. But it is going to happen.
Then, I want to stream more. Both Art and Games. I want to hang out and have fun, share my experiences with everyone. I have a long list of games I want to stream as I mentioned before (with even more games than what I did list as I slowly remembered more games I want to play), and I want to get around to play through them. Have a proper stream setup and all.
What else... well, there are smaller personal objectives, such as get the driving license for cars, learn japanese, find a physical activity that I enjoy doing in order to get back in shape, meeting up with my irl friends more often, rent a table at a comic convention at least once...
and definitely more objectives that my brain is most likely forgetting about at the moment.
This is going to be a busy year. But it is going to be THE year. A year of changes. Of improvement. I will make sure of it.
And I wish it will be the same for everyone else. I know we're currently in a period where a lot of shit is happening and everything looks bleak, but it's important to remember that even if the world is shit, we can still work to make our lives that more enjoyable for ourselves. It all starts with us.
We can do it.
Happy New Year, folks. Let's fuckin rock this year.
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Ruthlessness Is Mercy — KOTLC fanfic
Description: Flashbacks throughout Grady's childhood. Grady and Vespera finally meet. Grady is pathetic and sexy while Vespera is evil and sexy. This will probably be a series if yall like it. Neverseen!Grady series.
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It's ok to feel… troubled when you manifest as a Mesmer. The mind is something greatly idolized, and manipulation of it is scrutinized.
Grady laid on his bed as he flipped through the pages of his new, Foxfire-issued textbook, dramatically sighing each time he flipped to a new page.
Lots of diagrams, he thought as he studied a diagram of an elven brain, this isn't freaky at all!
He closed the book and looked at the title, hoping it would change the outcome of the results.
A Beginner’s Guide to Being a Mesmer.
Instinctively, he turned the book over so he couldn't see the title, hoping it wasn't real.
Grady was still dealing with the uprooting of his entire life. Ever since he manifested, his family wouldn't talk to him and his Foxfire peers would look at him as if his entire existence was a taboo.
He knew they were right.
His ability to entrance then control the wills and minds of others wasn't banned outright, simply anyone with it was virtually a pariah.
As his thoughts stirred, he had no idea what that bubbling feeling in his chest was, as he began to choke on his tears; thinking about everything he was losing.
Once you learn how to manage this daunting power, it will be like you never manifested in the first place.
———
“Finally, I get to meet you in person. You're as…mesmerizing as they say.” A pale gray elf with very pointy ears emerged out of the shadows.
Grady shuddered at her voice. He didn't know who was addressing him, all he knew was that his mission was being compromised. “That’s a thinking cap, isn't it.” Grady said, pointing to the head dress the elf was wearing. “It’s why I can't sense your mind.” He laughed starkly. “That is, unless I've officially lost it.”
“You’re rather clever, however not clever enough to know this is not a hallucination.” The elf said, appearing on the other side of the room.
“Two questions. How do you know who…and I'm assuming what, I am? What do you want?”
“There’s only so many Mesmers on the Nobility. Isn't it unfair?” She smiled a cold smile, “as for the second question, you'll just have to find out.”
“Once I figure out who…and where you are… I'm going to rip that thinking cap off your head. Then we'll see who's laughing.”
“You’re rather bold for someone who just started his job as an Emissary.”
“I've been here for a decade, miss whoever you are,” Grady said, observing the walls.
Mirrors, he thought.
“A decade is a rather short amount of time, especially for an elf.” She smiled, her image shifting to another mirror.
“You’re an Ancient, aren't you?” Grady looked around for a way out. “I’m asking one more time, what do you want?”
“Your help.”
—-------
“This is in no way a bad idea,” Grady whispered to himself as he stood on the Bramble field. “Get in their heads, get the ball. Like you have before. Two people is nothing.” He said that last part again, as if he was trying to convince himself of it. Then, he exhaled and said “game on.”
A whistle blew and Grady took off running towards the opposing team's bases.
Bramble was the one place in school where he wasn't an outcast. In fact, he was the opposite. Due to his ability and Bramble allowing abilities, he was the star player on the Foxfire Bramble team. He knew that for the most part, he was seen more as an asset, but it felt good to have a community.
He spotted two people running towards his team's base and exhaled again. “Change of plans. Go for one. This could be…” he hesitated for a moment. “Fun.”
He closed his eyes and locked in on the mind of one of the people, a girl, feeling his energy coursing through hers. It was almost a calming feeling as he felt their energy become one. Then, felt his take over hers. He opened his eyes and saw her, feeling her attempts to move. He let out another sigh as he focused his energy on launching her towards the other person running. Watching intently and with a slight feeling of horror, he made her tackle the other elf.
Once he saw a few elves run to the tackled boy to help, Grady ran for the ball.
————
“You’re going to ask me for assistance and not even give me a name?” Grady asked through his laughter.
“Why do you need a name?” The Ancient asked. “It's not in any of your Elvin History books, rest assured.”
“I am assured,” he said, walking towards a mirrored wall. “Very assured.”
Grady drew back a fist and punched a mirror, the glass shattering into a seemingly infinite amount of pieces.
He did it again. And again. And again, until he was standing in a pool of shards. He looked at his fists, which were bloodied.
Most elves aren't used to the sight of blood, let alone their own. However, between his time playing bramble and the Council giving him more…unsettling missions, he had seen his own blood plenty of times.
He looked around again for the Ancient, but couldn't find her. Then, he picked up a glass shard and wielded it like a knife. “This is the last time I'm asking nicely. What do you want with me?”
“And what are you going to do about it? You're practically defenseless.” She laughed another bone-chilling laugh. “Anyways, I want your help to change the world as we know it.”
“Very funny. You cannot demand my help without even giving me an actual face.” Grady waved the makeshift knife around.
And then, she stepped out of the shadows. Then, Grady ran behind her and stuck the mirror shard to her throat. “One more word,” he said through gritted teeth, “and I’ll slash.”
“You wouldn't do that. At the end of the day, you're still an elf. You're fragile.” She grabbed the shard out of his hand with ease and pointed it back at him. “You, however, would be quite the interesting specimen to study.” She grabbed his hand and carved a line in the palm.
Grady winced but through the pain, grabbed another shard with his free, less bloody, hand. This time, instead of holding onto it, he threw it at the Ancient. It got caught in her cheek and she smiled. She took out the bloodied shard without even flinching. “It makes sense that one like you has the capacity to be so… ruthless.”
“What do you mean ‘one like you,’” Grady asked.
Deep down, he knew the answer. He knew it was because— as far as elves went— he was essentially hardened to violence. He was almost human in that aspect. While he burst into tears at the sight of an animal being hurt and rush to help, he's the only elf he knew that would scrape and bleed and even scar. He's the only elf he knew that didn't really care that he did, of course he'd stop by a Healing Center and patch up, but in the moment, he'd wince but there would be no shock.
He had a theory on why he was like that as well. It was because of his damned ability, it was an inherently violent one to him. Even as a kid, he held the belief he was dangerous. Therefore, he didn't really care about what happened to him, only the people he was close to; if he ever met someone he was close to.
Despite knowing the answer, the Ancient answered “your history, Grady. The Troll incident. The Bramble championships.” She wiped her cheek and showed him the blood. “You made and Ancient bleed. You're as ruthless as you are ostracized. With your help, we could reshape the world. A world where you won't be judged for something you couldn't control. A world without being viewed as evil for something you were burdened with. Not something you desired.” She offered out her hand for a shake.
He observed her hand, which was as gray as the rest of her skin. “Before I accept your generous offer, what's your name?”
“Vespera.”
Grady shook Vespera’s hand with his cut one.
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taglist: @nowjumpinthewater @camelspit (this was YOUR idea) @crescentpaws (it evolved a bit since we last spoke)
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"You have to take a break.”
Tommy startles. "Why? I'm fine. I don't need a break. I volunteered to take John's shift tomorrow .."
"That's exactly it," his Captain says, raising a brow, her expression serious. Unbendable. "I can see what you are doing, Tommy. You try to take every possible extra shift, working as much as you can. And it’s about to become a risk I can't take. I can see that you're exhausted. Sooner or later, you are bound to make a mistake. Take a break. Rest. Travel. Or see a therapist. But don't use work to avoid dealing with the personal problem that's clearly bothering you.”
Tommy feels like he's been punched. Panic stirs. Without work, he has no way to distract himself from the fact that this is officially the worst time of his life.
But right underneath the rising panic which turns into a desperate echo of what the hell am I supposed to do now? throbs guilt. Tommy can barely look his Captain in the eye. Because she’s right, of course. And he should know better.
In their line of work being careless and losing focus leads to people dying. It only takes one second of distraction, one little mistake, to crash a helicopter and kill people. One little moment can cause damage that can’t be undone.
Still. Work has been the one thing that had been able to distract him from … everything else.
After leaving the Captain’s office, Tommy is glad he can sneak out of the station without anyone noticing him. He can’t do the fake smiles and the pointless small talk right now. He just wants to go home, fall into his bed and sleep the pain away.
But when Tommy opens the door to his dark, cold and lonely house, he freezes in the hallway. The thought of being here all day and night makes his throat feel too tight. Maybe he should just leave. Leave Los Angeles. Leave California. Leave everything behind. He did it before. He can do it again.
He can run. Like a coward.
Tommy swallows heavily. He pulls out his phone. Once again opening the chat. Staring at what Evan wrote last. He has read the words a thousand times. Had his fingers typing a message. Only to stop. Only to delete everything again. Only to stay silent.
He can keep the words to himself. Like a coward.
Why does it hurt so much? It has never hurt so much before. Tommy has cut more than one connection in his life. He turned away, walked away, back into the loneliness that has always protected him. Now, this same loneliness feels like an abyss without a bottom. He should be able to move on. After all, he never counted on a happy ever after. Nothing good lasts forever.
But if he’s honest to himself, which is scary, he did want this to last. That’s why it hurts so much, right? It couldn’t last, he wanted it to last, but he didn’t want to see it crumble to dust.
He can walk away before disaster strikes. Like a coward.
Tommy sighs. He walks out of his house. Closes the door. He can’t stay here. Alone with his thoughts and their echoes. He can’t.
So he just starts to walk. He’s dead tired from work, but he walks. He doesn’t know where to, he just walks. He barely pays attention to his surroundings, only to the way his feet take one step after the other. His exhausted mind floats, his eyes fluttering shut from time to time. But Tommy walks.
He walks half-asleep until he vaguely registers the shrill screech of brakes being pulled too late and a flash of headlights cutting through the darkness. Tommy stops walking because he’s being swept off his feet.
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Okay. I can't Not talk about the Heavy is the Crown scene.
Because I'm going Insane over Caitlyn's presentation.
As a Chronic Strategist (Hard Headed Autistic), my Specialty is doing things to place myself in a functional position where I basically Can't be told "Fuck off." And I can See when other people do this as well.
And Caitlyn pulls it off in Flying Colors.
She barged into the underground council meeting with 0 delay and taking No Shit. It's almost cocky, until the entire scene plays out and you realize it's not Arrogance, she's reassured and Refuses to Waste Time.
The council is full of fear. The attack of the city, the chaos ensuing, the damage. Everyone in power is afraid and everyone is More than willing to push war and go All In on Zaun.
Cue Caitlyn.
"3 objectives. Locate Jinx. Dismantle Shimmer. Neutralize any agents loyal to silco."
The council is suddenly full of question and you can Feel it.
"Who is she??" "What's she even doing here?" "A strike team?? Who???" "What makes you think we'll fair any better than our forces today?"
And in a single display of men and power, Caitlyn places herself in a position where she has checkmate.
She displays a bright, shiny, seemingly functional Hextech Sniper. She loads it with the stone in full view and every council member gets to watch this beautiful gun activate. A compact. Concealable. Hex Sniper. In the hands of a Decorated Officer and House Leader.
If that wasn't reassuring alone, they enter the taskforce. Small but efficient.
A hulk of a man towing a hextech shield, a perfect block.
The fresh soldier from the live scenes equipped with a hextech gun so simple it looks like a 15 year old could shoot it with the efficiency of a veteran.
A strong, loyal piltovian enforcer we've seen time and time again behind the ranks, equipped in his beret, implying seasoned veteran.
This small efficient group is the council's savior and we watch as every council members face contorts in awe. It's a sealed deal, but what SENDS me, is the presence of Vi.
She's saved for last and Caitlyn intentionally does this I am Sure of it.
Because the council has Met Vi before.
Officially.
In season one Caitlyn took to a legal stand, Vi's hand tight in hers so to speak. It ended with Vi spitting Venom and running out of the room. For all intents and purposes, the council might've been afraid of Vi. Sure Caitlyn talked her up, but all Vi's been Doing has been drinking and boxing. Not very reputable.
But. Not when she's presented the way she is.
Caitlyn flashing her fresh on the scene hex weaponry. The strong and determined police force backing her. The simplified "3 step plan" lead by one of the smartest sharp shooter detectives in all of piltover?
And then the Zaunite.
But wait! It's a Zaunite in enforcerwear?
But wait!! It's Vi!
Decorated in clothing she would Never otherwise wear, walking in slow and silent, sitting quiet and in line just like all the pilties of the task force.
Suddenly. She's not an armed criminal they're bound to remember.
She's the converted. She's "a good one". She's playing nice. Everyone in the city, above or below, has heard tale of Vi's fire. Her Disgust over "a lack of justice".
And here she stands. In uniform, head down, silent, and powerful. The council sees her as leashed. And in doing so, allows the council to see Every Benefit to Vi as An Individual. Because she's on Their side now.
Caitlyn places herself in a position where the council would Never. Say. No.
She had it Locked Down. And I LOVE that for her.
#arcane season 2#arcane#arcane vi#arcane caitlyn#caitlyn kiramman#arcane spoilers#like babygirl Cooked
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Xie Lian is not making figuring out the timeline of his 800 years of banishment easier. He'll say "oh, this happened recently" or "this happened a few years before or after this" and if you look at the dates given it's centuries ago.
#Me Talking#tian guan ci fu#heaven official's blessing#TGCF liveblogging#This is about Xie Lian saying the Gilded Banquet Massacre was 'not long after my second banishment'#when earlier it was said Fangxin was just a bit over a century before Banyue#and Banyue happened less than two centuries before the beginning of the books#This is also a little bit about Xie Lian saying he last saw Feng Xin more than 600 years ago in the first book#but I also might just not be clear on the precise timeline just before and after Xie Lian's second banishment in that case#I'm like 95% certain that's when the 800 years start? After Xie Lian was banished for a second time after fighting Jun Wu?#(The fact that he got in a fight with and stabbed Jun Wu was new information to me. I didn't know he did that)#But in any case if I have my numbers right it was over halfway through his banishment that Xie Lian was Guoshi Fangxin#and the fact that I'm not sure now is frustrating! Xie Lian!
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Shoutout to that one guy in the black tabby games official server who was really demeaning about my reaction to Smitten's dialogue in the beginning of the happily ever after route and eventually pissed me off so bad because he clearly thought that I was a horror virgin that I literally turned my nickname in the server to "Princess Eater" post playing out The Den SPECIFICALLY so that he'd be squeamish enough to shut the fuck up
#slay the princess#punk speaks#this isn't a vent really this is more me sharing something I thought was funny#also I suspect he thought I was a woman because I have ragnvaldr as a pfp and in certain official arts he kind of looks like a pretty woman#....like my Tumblr pfp actually. Like the first time I saw this art I had no idea what funger was#my friend had him as a pfp and I literally thought that this character was a barbarian princess or something#anyway I suspect the other reason was because my debut in the server was talking about my disgust with smitten's line:#'We'll give her everything she doesn't know she wants'#But I'd used a screenshot and just reacted with 'AAAUGHHHHH' to which this dude thought I was freaked out by the gore#and then went 'hmm... To think the dialogue is scarier than the gore.....'#And then later in the happily ever after arc I saw the feast and said out loud#'holy shit do you think we're eating HER?'#and he said 'thinks of Den. heh. Actually....#based on how smitten's unwilling to see her be hurt... I'd more guess we're eating US. How's THAT for nightmare fuel?'#the last bit is a direct quote. fuck this guy#Anyway yeah I'm playing up my own freakiness specifically to gross that guy out
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The character vote can now show romanised names? There goes me desperately flailing trying to remember the correct kanji.
#teruyo talk#voted for six of the seven characters i voted for last time because i'm now officially Old#(which probs was in 2022 rather than 2023 i can't remember voting last year)#the fact that slot 7 is so changeable just goes to show i hold more affection for characters i've been thinking/writing about
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the burnout is real lads . . . . .
#which is to say that i came home and just stared at the wall for roughly 2 hours instead of completing my documents#it was at least validating to get to talk to one of my coworkers today#and hear that they're just as burnt out as i am#and usually have to sit in the parking lot for 4 to 5 minutes before they come in because they just don't want to be here that badly#and it feels hard to admit because this is typically thought of as a passion driven profession#and it's like#neither of us have lost the passion for it???#it's not that we hate our jobs#it's just that we both feel like. we're putting in increasingly more effort week by week but we're just.#no longer getting results.#i mentioned how i feel like my faith in my ability to do this kind of work has just plummeted to zero#not at all helped by my mentor constantly pushing me to go faster and faster but then getting mad when my presentations go poorly#because i went faster or reduced the amount of material or cut the Q and A section down 10 minutes#i just feel . . . . . tired . . . . . . . . . . .#i still need to write three planning documents for tonight#one of which needs to be Really Good because my direct supervisor will be looking at it#but my god#i just want to sleep for three days straight and then stare at a wall for another three#i'm so close to the end though . . . . .#just another 15 of these documents (including the three from tonight) and that about covers my internship#of course then there's also the seminar work and the group project and all the fancy official employment documents#and. the portfolio project (a man screams in agony)#but god . . . . . . . .#so close . . . . . . . .#so close . . . . . .#once i'm free from the portfolio it's back to zola work and THEN . . . . . . . . . .#i can finally have a substantial mental health break for the first time since last may ;;; _____ ;;;
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Anyway.... Back to what I was pondering earlier today... It's been 4 months but I'm still as deeply obsessed with Exotic Creatures of the Deep as at the very start
#00s sparks albums save me#save me 00s sparks albums#the question of how it's been 4 months already aside#i have decided to name this album my official Mental Breakdown Album TM#so it's a good thing that it doesn't really bring me any unhappy associations. even though it could#because when i started listening to it in early march#it turned out to become one of my lowest periods in the mental well-being sense. like. ever.#it's gotten better though and later i discovered that whenever i got into that slump again#and nothing at all felt like an alluring thing to do and even most music couldn't cheer me up#i still felt like listening to ecotd at least#sometimes you get into specific albums or artists at the exact right moment and this was one of such times for sure#i have so many thoughts about this album but if i tried to write them down#it would probably all just be an illegible mess. one day i'll do it though. or at least try to#as for now i can at least say that the possibly most suffering-inducing (positive) songs for me are strange animal and likeable#i'll never forget the moment i first heard strange animal as part of the from the basement set#what a SONG!!! and that entire performance changed my brain chemistry forever#and. GODDDDDKJHKEFLJMKBELKPJ... LIKEABLE!!!#the connection i feel on some metaphysical level to that song the melody the instrumentation the lyrics#is way beyond what words can explain. or i'm just bad at putting these kind of things into words#it's soooo oooughhggahgh.....#also i don't know exactly how it happened#but i can't believe etc immediately became my most listened to song according to my last fm (which i made around then)#and it has stayed in that spot ever since#ok that's my sparks madness talk for today. i'll probably never be normal about them. not that i even want to#sparks am i right. goddddd#goosepost
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#having a day full of mixed feelings#I suppose this is how life goes#I'm officially done with my Bachelor's degree as of today#obviously I'm proud of myself for the accomplishment and I was excited to be celebrated today#it was a long and difficult road and there were many times where I didn't think I'd live to see it through but I made it#I'm the first person in my family to get this degree and I was really looking forward to having today be my day#I had a really lovely morning and then things kind of waned#there were a few arguments. someone I spent the day with repeatedly made negative comments about something I care about#it felt awful. I know it was intended as more of a playful jab than anything but I directly asked for the comments to stop and they didn't#it especially hurt that it was a fandom thing and the person is so invested in their own fandoms yet they felt it fair to step on mine#even though I've never done that to them#then people kept talking over me and acted like I was wrong for trying to interject to finish my own sentences#also as I said in the last post I was deeply upset by how my family members spoke of my 12 year old cousin#she's just a kid and some of our close family members have such a nasty opinion of her. she's so young and she's had a rough few years#but it seems like no one except my brother and I are willing to give her any grace#I think everyone else has forgotten what it feels like to be a kid and feel as if the world is against you#on a more positive note. I had a decadent slice of chocolate cake. it was heavenly#unfortunately I was really too in my head to fully enjoy it#literally every day for 3 weeks I've been talking about the lunch I planned to have today#I knew exactly what meal and dessert I wanted from the restaurant. it's my absolute fave and isn't available at any other local restaurant#I was totally starving by time we got to the restaurant. we were out all morning and I ate a tiny breakfast in anticipation of this meal#when we got there we found out they removed what I planned to order from the menu. I was devastated.#I know it's stupid but like this was the one part of my day that I've had planned for MONTHS and I've been thinking about it for weeks#we had a 40 minute car ride where I mentioned my excitement for the food no less than 10 times so this crushed me#also I'm just really picky in general and typically restaurants only have one or two things I'm able to eat#I offered to just eat the dessert while everyone else ordered food because they were all really hungry too but they wouldn't allow it#we left the restaurant and I still feel horrible for walking out. if I had known the item was removed we wouldn't have even gone there#it happened so recently though and I feel dumb for not even thinking to check the menu online beforehand#so we went to another restaurant and I barely ate anything and now I have no appetite for dinner and I feel bad for ruining the afternoon#even though it's my day and my celebration and I feel like I'm entitled to a slight amount of unreasonableness
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cried on the bus tonight, it was sunset and I was on the bus back from the supermarket and when we turned a corner everyone started gasping and pointing to everyone that the blue super moon was rising - everyone was taking turns looking down the isle and calling people to tell them about it. in that moment we weren't strangers and the moon was huge and it was orange and when I got off at my stop I stood and watched everyone also stopping in their tracks to take a photo or even just look. the same thing had happened earlier with this insane sunset. its the last day of winter and the way there was such beauty in the setting sun in the west and the rising moon in the west I don't know how to word it but it really makes me think there is good out there. like we are all connected through the beauty in thins and want to share that with whoever we can strangers or not. its times like these I just want to keep wrapped up under my bed for the days I don't feel like there's any left. at some point I will reword this to be more poetic but it was just such a moment; I haven't felt this human in so long . I need to make sure there is solid evidence it did happen even if its not the prettiest its here and it was real and I was alive to witness it
#ive been re watching all the xmen movies recently where Charles keeps talking about hope and Erik keeps trying to come to terms with it#its this enduring conflict and I was always on magnetos side because he might not be doing the perfect thing but at least it was something#but as there is so much anger and pain there is good too - and tonight I felt it#I've never been good or even okay at keeping a journal - I'm also a nightmare at being consistent with be reals#the last time I wrote to myself was a letter I found taped on the back of my bedroom mirror saying she hopes it gets better and we stick it#out to the next Lorde album. I read it days after the release of solar power and lost my mind#“everybody wants the best for you but you've got to want it for yourself” that moment was the first time I think I actually did#anyway. its 1am and I have to go on a side quest for vintage Levis - make cookies - finish so much work - go to the gym - do some recording#I am so sorry for the rambling but its now officially spring and its my goddaughters (best friends cat) birthday#things aren't perfect but I think im okay with living through it this time.#I will continue and I will meet her in the middle of a street on a sunny day#and god isn't it mine
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